What “No” Really Means to Your Dog

No has to be one of the most uttered exclamations by anyone living with dogs and, dare I say, kids. Of course, we have to control those little critters who seem to have nothing better to do than throw us challenge after challenge and make our lives difficult. They just don’t listen, do they? And, if our authoritative no doesn’t suffice, let’s just increase the volume and— voilà!—now we have their attention. For a few seconds at least. Then we’ll start over like a broken record.

Or maybe we belt out a formidable NO!! with such ferocity that everyone ducks for cover and gives us peace for the rest of the day. Ah, finally, we get the respect we so crave.

Except it’s all but a fleeting dream.

The Loud No

Yelling at someone to make them change their behaviour is not exactly what I would call a teaching method. It has—together with other forms of intended positive punishment—fallen out of favour with educators for good reason. Aggressive behaviour doesn’t just affect the well-being of our dogs, but ours as well. Like a quick meal at the nearest junk food outlet, it gives us instant relief but, if repeated, it gradually makes us worse.

Despite the short-lived benefits of raising one’s voice, the immediate result—in case your dog stops whatever they were doing—can be reinforcing. It’s easy to convince yourself that your strategy has worked. Let’s say you catch your dog chewing on the carpet. You yell NO! and the dog slinks away with tail low and quietly lies down on their bed. Success!

So, how do you feel ten minutes later or the next day when your dog is chewing on the carpet again? It may be time to revise your strategy.

Here is the problem: If your dog is highly motivated to engage in an activity such as chewing, be they a puppy, a recreational chewer or a dog seeking stress relief, they keep doing it. To counter this strong motivation, your threatening behaviour—in the form of yelling—has to be severe enough to have even the slightest chance of success. But even then, the dog’s behaviour is usually only suppressed for a finite time or as long as you are around.

Attempting to punish your dog’s behaviour with aggressive methods could even have the opposite effect, for example if the dog chews out of anxiety. Your aggressive behaviour gives the dog an even greater reason to be anxious, so they chew the carpet even harder to relieve their stress.

Now imagine your dog is anxious around the kids next door and growls at them. I’m sure you would be grateful that your dog makes their feelings known (so you can change them for the better) rather than turning those feelings into direct action. If you silence your dog’s voice by threatening them, what you fear might happen is far more likely to happen.


The Stern or Firm No

So how about we dial down the decibels and employ what is often referred to as the stern no or the firm no? Surely, this establishes our leadership and authority without the nasty side effects.

You might be in luck, if your target is human, of good hearing, sufficiently intellectually mature and dependent on your goodwill. Without the latter, well, at least you have a chance to start an argument. Try this with a toddler, a dog or a lizard and you can expect tantrums, disappearance acts or just plain indifference. Just like the loud no, the stern no is intended to stop the dog from doing something by exerting some sort of authority, so the tone tends to be threatening, regardless of the decibel level.

I suppose once upon a time commanding voices were thought to teach our children such grand values as respect, authority, discipline, obedience and loyalty. It seems odd that—while we have long realised that young children aren’t capable of grasping these concepts—we believe members of another species do a better job. Alas, a threatening voice does not teach your dog morality. They just learn to avoid you.


The Conditioned, or Learned, No

Because the word no, said in a resolute voice, has such a clear meaning to us humans, it is not really surprising that we use it with other animals as well. But, of course, a dog has no idea what the word no means unless—over time—they recognise a pattern and learn what happens after the no.

Let’s say your dog stalks your cat, prompting you to say no. Then, because your dog ignores you and starts chasing or pestering the cat, you get hold of the dog and put them in the laundry for a two-minute time-out. If you consistently repeat this pattern, your dog will learn that your no predicts time alone in the laundry, unless they leave the cat alone.

Time-outs can be highly effective, as long as you manage to deliver them consistently in a matter-of-fact way, without scaring the dog with either your voice or your actions. Once your dog has learned the pattern, they have a choice to avoid the negative punishment, i.e. the time-out. If you can pull this off, your no will take on the meaning of a warning. Congratulations. This is no simple procedure.

Reward-based dog trainers avoid the word no precisely because it has a default meaning to humans. It is almost impossible to deliver the word in a neutral tone, especially when your dog is about to do something you don’t approve of. To avoid slipping into the loud or stern category, it’s best to choose a more pleasant word or phrase as a warning (“gentle”, “easy”, “nope”, or how about the Aussie classic: “oi”), give a learned cue for cease & desist (“leave it”) or ask the dog for an alternative behaviour (come, sit, touch, fetch).


The Overshadowed No

In reality, the word no is rarely delivered in a neutral tone nor on its own. Its delivery is forceful and it is often accompanied—rather than followed—by some form of action, such as rushing towards, staring at or leaning over the dog, throwing things at the dog or worse. Your actions overshadow your words just like your tone of voice does. So, the word itself is entirely irrelevant. You could use any verbal uttering, because your dog responds exclusively to your body language and noisiness.


The Most Appropriate No in Dog Training

The most appropriate use of the word no in dog training is the one where you simultaneously slap your forehead because you left your puppy alone with what used to be your precious new throw rug (management fail); or when you finally realise your dog never sits longer than a split-second because you consistently rewarded them after they stood up (sloppy training mechanics); or when your dog does an instant U-turn away from a sweet-smelling possum carcass after hearing your irresistible voice and you realise you left those super tasty treats at home (badly missed opportunity).


The almost unbearable burden of raising a puppy.

Have you ever had a puppy or are you thinking of adding a puppy to your family soon – maybe even this Christmas*? Living with a puppy can be loads of fun but at times even the most patient person might feel more than a little exhausted. But it is not the exuberant and impulsive puppy behaviour that we should be most concerned with. The biggest responsibility of raising a puppy is not to teach them “manners”, it is to ensure they have a bright future. And that future lies in your hands.

“Those first three months of your puppy’s life are just too important to be casual about.”

Guiding the young of any species through their most vulnerable time in life is always a bit daunting. So many things can go wrong. If you’ve never even thought about it, start before you venture down the path of getting a puppy or a kitten or any other young life that needs your care. Their total dependence on you gives you total power over them. And that is an enormous responsibility.

Your new puppy will have the first culture shock when they arrive at your home. Having been removed from their mother and siblings, now they are placed in a foreign place, expected to understand very different rules and forced to spend much time by themselves.
Up until then your puppy had never been alone. So what if you intend to leave your new puppy for eight to ten hours a day because of your work? What if you don’t want them in the bedroom and they have to sleep alone, maybe even outdoors?
Then there are all those normal puppy behaviours, like jumping and biting, that you try so hard to erase. For the last few weeks your puppy has been happily romping around with his mates. Now those playful behaviours are suddenly met with hostility? How will your puppy cope?

Trying to see life from your puppy’s perspective – as difficult as this is, being human – is a good first step to prevent any major traumas. Understanding what your dog’s emotional and physical needs are is even better. Those first three months of your puppy’s life are just too important to be casual about. Yes, your dog may grow up regardless and – if they are lucky – somehow muddle through life no matter what you do. They are an extremely adaptable species after all. But would it be better to give them the best start possible? You bet.

“We have adapted to living with anxious pets. They are everywhere.”

If our dogs’ poor upbringing resulted in more dog attacks than is currently the case, we would already have regulations around puppy socialisation, handling and training. But the fallout of our failings is hidden away behind the bars of countless animal shelters and the exorbitant number of young lives lost due to premature euthanasia. And that is not to say that the rest of them are happy and well-adapted dogs living in loving homes. Dogs largely suffer in silence. You rarely hear them complain. Their lives may be dull, riddled with anxiety or even barely livable, yet most of them just carry on. Why don’t we see their plight?

I believe the reason for our collective blindness to the prevalence of fear, stress and anxiety in dogs – as well as cats and other animals – is desensitisation. It starts in early childhood where we learn that it is ok to manhandle animals and make them do what we want. We either never learned what fear, stress and anxiety in animals looks like or it has been “normalised” in our minds. We have adapted to living with anxious pets. They are everywhere. Animals are being restrained and manhandled for grooming and veterinary procedures, pushed, shoved, strangled, hurt and yelled at in the name of training and left in solitary confinement day after day, year after year. If all this fear and anxiety in our pets would burst into aggression on a massive scale, we would have long learned to pay more attention.

“You have the power to make your dog happy.”

You – as a new puppy parent – can make sure your dog does not become one of the silent sufferers. You can prevent the mental and emotional distress that may one day prompt your dog to become aggressive. You have the power to make your dog happy. And the welcome side effect for you is a much decreased risk of behaviour problems and a more enjoyable life with your dog.

Being physically manipulated is one of the major sources of anxiety in our pets but something we can easily prevent or change. Dogs, and other animals, can learn to voluntarily cooperate with whatever needs to be done for their health and safety. They can be taught to enjoy all the groping and smooching we bestow on them.

You also have the power to prevent fear of strangers, children, noises, novel objects and situations in your dog – all potential sources of anxiety – by understanding what socialisation is really about and by doing the best job you possibly can.

So, here are some guidelines for the first twelve to fourteen weeks of your dog’s life to get you on the right track. You can print a PDF version to put on your fridge!



  • Let the puppy sleep near you during the first few days and slowly wean them towards their own bed and ultimate sleeping location.
  • Keep your puppy company, especially during the first few weeks. If you work long hours, get someone else to help out. Gradually get your dog used to spending time alone.
  • Spend quality time with your puppy daily. Play with your dog using toys so they can chase, grab and tug.
  • Invite people to your house. Take your puppy to work or social activities (take a crate so the puppy can rest undisturbed at times).



  • Invest the time to properly house train your puppy. Supervise, confine and reward. Never punish a puppy for eliminating where they shouldn’t!



  • Take your puppy out into the world from the get go. If your dog only had their first vaccination, carry them on your arms or let them watch from the car.
  • The importance of socialisation cannot be overstated. Create positive associations with lots of lots of sounds, sights, people, other animals – anything your dog could possibly encounter in their lives.
  • Prevent fear of strangers by introducing a large variety of humans in a positive manner including children. Let the stranger give your dog treats, but be careful the puppy does not get overwhelmed. Do not allow people to simply walk up and handle your puppy. Always watch your pup for signs of stress and back up if necessary.
  • The primary time for you to socialise your dog is from the moment you get them to about twelve weeks of age. Everything your dog experiences during that time will have an especially deep and lasting impact. Make sure the experiences are positive. Do not waste a day! After that continue socialising your dog to maintain their skills and well-being.
  • Attend a well-run puppy preschool which includes off leash play.
  • If your puppy is shy, never force them! Allow them to explore the world at their own pace.



  • Teach your dog to enjoy being touched, held, squeezed, poked etc. by starting with brief handling and gradually work up to more invasive handling. Always give a tasty treat after handling. The higher the value of your treats, the more the dog will enjoy being handled.
  • Allow strangers, including children, to touch your dog but supervise closely to make sure your dog enjoys it. Always follow the handling with treats.
  • Take your dog to the vet outside appointment times and give them treats in the waiting area, exam room and on the exam table. Perform mock vet exams to make them comfortable with various types of procedures.



  • Attend a well run puppy school which uses positive reinforcement training.
  • Socialisation is the most important thing at this stage whereas training can be done at any time. Focus on three or four behaviours such as sit and drop/down, stay or wait and ‘leave it’ and do lots of repetitions in different places.
  • Use rewards to train your puppy. Do not use coercive methods such as physical manipulation or raising your voice. Redirect unwanted behaviour towards alternative behaviours, e.g. ask the dog to sit or go fetch a toy in situations where they are likely to jump up.



*A puppy is for life, not just for Christmas, so consider carefully if your family is ready for a dog. If you intend to get a puppy for your kids, remember that kids quickly lose interest in new things and you are the one to be left looking after the dog for the next 10 – 15 years. Only get a dog if you really want a dog in your life!

AVSAB Puppy Socialization Statement
RSPCA Puppy Info
PPG Puppy Socialization Info
Crosspaws Puppy Guide
Crosspaws House Training Guide